Back in action.

Posted on September 14, 2013

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After two short lived attempts at college I am back on track and giving it a go, again.  It may have taken much longer than I wanted.  It may have driven my mother crazy that it took me this long to get my ass in gear but I am at it again and more than ready to get it done.  

With the bad, comes the good.  I have definitely grown ten fold since my first attempt when I attended Colorado State University.  It was the typical cautionary tale of the unsupervised rube who threw himself into the wrong side of college life head first with no care of grades or the actual purpose of getting an education.  As i look back at that time now I am thankful for it.  I had fun.  I messed up.  I messed up a lot.  But I did it on my terms.  And it is because of that time in my life that I don’t take things for granted.  It made me learn to take responsibility, albeit that lesson was not learned at that particular moment in time but learned nonetheless.  

My time at CSU coupled with my military service more than prepared me for my college life now.  Priorities, priorities, priorities.  I had my fun.  And now it is time to focus because the road ahead is a long one.  My goal is to get my PhD in an area of Social Work.  At times it seems daunting but at the same time the smile comes to my face when I am alone and think about gaining that type of education wipes away the worry and the doubts.  I’d be a fool to say it would be easy.  I would be a damn fool to say I am so smart it would be impossible to fail.  It will be a rough time tackling each degree and I am positive I will have set backs.  Possibly set backs so gargantuan I will want to call it quits.  But I won’t.  

I have spent a good chunk of time sitting in my therapists office trying to unravel an inner mess brought on by many things thrown my way.  I have had sessions where I have pissed him off.  Have had sessions where I cried.  Have had sessions that were nothing but random talk.  At the core of it all, I found, was the will to keep going.  To persevere.  As long as I have life in me I owe it to those who are no longer here to keep going.  For most people going to college isn’t this intense but for me it is a step to right my wrongs and live a life that I am so grateful and lucky to have.   

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