Finding me.

Posted on January 13, 2012

5


The initial concept for this blog was to learn about my family.  I have surrounded myself with great and amazing people my entire life but for the most part I have always felt alone.  By no means am I that cautionary tale of the lonely man who recedes into himself and begins to fear and hate love.  I am actually quite the opposite.  I love deeply and I have an amazing heart.  But the one thing in my life that I have always regretted was never getting the chance to truly know my family. And Family, if you are reading this please do not pretend to be shocked.  How often was I content to be alone reading or watching television?  My mother, Martha, raised me and my older brother to be strong human beings and with my innate ability to do things on my own I sort of morphed into a very independent person with strong views, a quick wit and a sharp tongue.  What I missed out on was the chance to have what I never really let myself have: strong family ties.  I am hoping by writing I will be able to meet them all over again and gain something that has been just out of reach.

For whatever reason, perhaps the death of my Grandmother, I never let myself get too close to my family while I was growing up.  It was not until I joined the military did I begin to see what  my life really needed.  And as I write this you must understand that when I use the word ‘family’ I am not just referring to my blood relatives but to those people who came into my life long after my birth.  Early on I knew that just because someone is related by blood to you does not mean they are family.  And some of the greatest human beings that have been part of my life have only been in it for a few years and I would easily have them in my Christmas photo than some of those that share my bloodline.

I know that some people, should they take the time to actually read what I am writing, may not like what I have to say or may even feel that these things should not be discussed and to that I say too bad.  Close your browser and walk away.  If you do not like what I have to say then it is safe to say I do not need you in my life.  I have always been a very opinionated individual and one should know that I will not mince words.

Do not expect award winning writing here but come at it with an open mind.  My first piece will be about my Grandfather.  He died when I was very young and I never had the opportunity to get to know him.  I am not an envious person but sometimes I wish more than anything in the world is to have my family back together if even for just one minute.  I emailed my mother and she emailed my aunt and I have a pretty good start.

And I hope that through  meeting my family again I will find out more about me.

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